helpmei'mslippingagain

I feel like I don't have any face anymore, like I just have a rigid, waxen mask that I'm behind, watching and trying to twist the mask to suit the expectations of my audience--friends, coworkers, whoever. I push and pull and move the mask, and it still feels fake, like a mannequin smile. I can't shake it, either. I've been trying hard to shake this, and I'm slipping again.

listening: nothing. I got the new Haujobb album, Polarity. It's pretty good. Sounds more dancy and electronic than their last one, which was minimalist, sparse, and organic, but still missing something of a hook.
eating: nothing. I haven't been hungry all day. I've been eating because I know I when I'm supposed to eat.
drinking: nothing. I had tea all day. Just Twinnings Earl Grey, and a pint of newcastle with dinner.
thinking: I walked into my bedrorom, and it took me a few minutes to realize I hadn't turned on the lights or moved for some time. I don't want to feel like this, but I don't know how to stop.