burn always

Nothing much today, other than an important and valuable quote from Walter Pater and the realization that I've worked 70 hours this week, and it's not even Friday. Understand this quote, and you will understand quite a lot:

The service of philosophy, of speculative culture, towards the human spirit, is to rouse, to startle it to a life of constant and eager observation. Every moment, some form grows perfect in hand or face; some tone on the hills or the sea is choicer than the rest; some mood of passion or insight or intellectual excitement is irresistibly real and attractive to us--for that moment only. Not the fruit of experience, but experience itself, is the end. A counted number of pulses only is given to us of a variegated, dramatic life. How may we see in them all that is to seen in them by the finest senses? How shall we pass most swiftly from point to point, and be present always at the focus where the greatest number of vital forces unite in their purest energy?

To burn always with this hard, gemlike flame, to maintain this ecstasy, is success in life. In a sense it might even be said that our failure is to form habits: for, after all, habit is relative to a stereotyped world, and meantime it is only the roughness of the eye that makes any two persons, things, situations, seem alike. While all melts under our feet, we may well grasp at any exquisite passion, or any contribution to knowledge that seems by a lifted horizon to set the spirit free for a moment, or any stirring of the senses, strange dyes, strange colours, and curious odours, or work of the artist’s hands, or the face of one’s friend. Not to discriminate every moment some passionate attitude in those about us, and in the very brilliancy of their gifts some tragic dividing of forces on their ways, is, on this short day of frost and sun, to sleep before evening.

that's great it starts with an earthquake, birds and snakes and airplanes

Today was useless. I went to the design department and explained to them that the manual I wrote looked like they had spent all of five minutes designing, and I explained to them what needed to be changed to approach the rough draft stage. I know dick about design. Why am I explaining how to design and lay out a manual when I've never done it before? Isn't that way the design department is supposed to do? raar.

shit. that's the most boring, pedantic, tired, tedious, trite rant a man could have. when did I sink into the business world? I've got more things to complain about that work... It's just that, right now, work is a little all consuming. It eats away at my hobbies, my life. Interesting thing, though: hobbies implies that these things I do outside of work are just pasttimes, things I do when there aren't more important things to do. The term automatically downgrades the importance of my extracurricular activities, as it were. I don't know 'bout you, but I only work so I can live, eat, and afford my "hobbies." I'm lucky that I'm doing something relatively fun, something that uses parts of my brain that I don't want atrophying on me, something that doesn't suck my soul out in quite the same way that, say, marketing and advertising would. But the point remains, I do it so that I can live outside of work. Normally. Right now, that's not so much of an option. Right now, there is work, and work is me.

I wouldn't say I'm "workin' for the weekend," though. That equation doesn't make sense, selling 5 of my days to someone else so that I can afford to keep the 2 remaining days to myself. I'm working so I can learn what it takes to keep all those days and make my money in the process.

Drinking: Water. Pure, clean water. I had a headache all day. caffeine related? I don't know. I thought I might have been getting sick, so I've stayed away from Nancy Whisky tonight.
Reading: The Dark Horse Comics rerelease of Akira. The sixth book just came out, and I'm now reading them all. I bought each one as it came out, and then I just held onto it until the beast was done. It's scary to see each book, to realize that it cost 25-30 bucks per volume. I'd never have shelled out that much in a single go, but buying each book as it came out (once every three months) made the cost easier to digest. Same goes for the rereleases of Lone Wolf & Cub. There are 30 books, I'm told. Each one is 10 dollars, and they come out once a month. Again, I couldn't do it in a single go.
Eating: Nothing now. The corn chowder I ate earlier coated my mouth and made me feel nauseated. I'm off food for a while.
Listening: Gregorian chants and English Ladymasses (the latter recordings by Anonymous 4). I need more medievalia. Oh, and I listened to some Tool, too. That was it for music today.

I am a Nexus One; I want more life, fucker. I ain't done yet.
More human than human.